"Here I go again on my own..."

Ah, a little Whitesnake in the morning... which is essentially all I have as entertainment in my apartment. Ok, so that isn't entirely accurate, aside from Dad's XM Radio, I also have enough episodes of The X-Files, Dr. Quinn: Medicine Woman, Who's the Boss?, and How I Met Your Mother to put me in a catatonic coma. (Is there even such a things as "catatonic coma?" Let's just say there is.) Regardless of my fictitious friends, Mom and Dad left for Vicksburg yesterday so I am, in fact, alone and waiting patiently for classes to start. I'm not going to lie. It's a little deja vu, and its been making me think about my first weeks about Baylor.

I'm much more alone that when I started Baylor back in 2007, and yet I'm not nearly as alone as I was then. I remember welcome week fairly clearly, more so because everyone on campus seems to be enjoying themselves in similar activities. The dorm was constantly buzzing with excitement and enthusiasm and people trying to make friends. So, while I am not surrounded by the hustle of like minded freshmen, I, myself- who I doubted and only truly came to know after weeks of trying to figure out who I was, am much more "here" than in 2007.

Still, I've dreaded being alone with much more dread than excitement. I'm not really sure what the dread is for- the first day of class or the two days I have to complete to get to the first day of class. Even as I write, however, a little bubble of excitement is growing at the thought of sharing all I've been reading with others. The other night, I had dinner with my uncle in town and he said, "you'll love it, the long talks over a pot of coffee." Perhaps... probably... but I'm not expecting a sudden switch to be flipped. There's still alot of adjusting to be made.

Nevertheless, I don't anticipate this change to be as hard as Baylor. Yes, Baylor brought with it a huge adjustment to a workload I had never experienced before, and I anticipate that now, though I think I have an excellent foundation in good work habits, I'll experience another big adjustments in similar ways.

Baylor, however brought something else, the need for self-discovery, the selection of an identity. "You can be whoever you want to be, not who you were made to be in high school," everyone said. College was a 'fresh start.' Perhaps I wanted to be a people person, socially active, and , not a "partier" but a person who goes to parties. I know now that characteristics like that shouldn't be changed in a person. (they can be changed, mind you, but only with considerable effort and pain, then... why? What's the purpose, the payback?) The "Change" everyone spoke of was for those oppressed in high school, forced to conform to a role in the high school society that everyone though they filled. Looking back on my high school experiences, I realize I was so far out of my high school culture, I didn't really even count. Being out of the culture (or, as I would describe it, stading with one foot still chained to the high school side of life while all my weight balanced on my other foot, positioned on the exciting world ahead) didn't make a overly pleasant high school experience. Indeed, many times is was rather lonely.

Ironically, though, it was only until I learned to embrace what kept me alone so much in high school (which was often times just my desire to be alone) that I could settle myself and built the closest relationships of my life. And honestly, I don't fear being alone anymore. I enjoy it when I want to ( and trust me I do enjoy it, a lot) and know I have a place when I choose. That is the lesson Baylor taught me, and knowing that I don't have to go through the emotional stress of learning that again, I feel I can handle nearly anything Big Al can throw at me.